Where do I begin? My parents never married and to be honest I haven’t really seen any healthy relationships within my family circle. So, truthfully I find myself repeating unhealthy patterns and cycles. There was domestic violence, drug and alcohol abuse, neglect in our home, when my parents were living together. From that relationship, I experience the same above issues from my mom’s next relationship with my step-father, on top of being sexual touched by him. My mom, father or step-father didn’t have healthy relationships so I didn’t have anything good to model from. I saw or either heard of abuse within my entire family, from my grandparents to my uncles. My mother WAS a drug user, now delivered for 20 years. My father was an alcoholic, now delivered about 3 years. And I choose not to indulge in any of those things because I too could become addicted.
So, truthfully I have repeated what I saw. I married someone like my dad but not to the level of alcoholism as my dad. I’ve experience domestic violence within my marriage, infidelity, betrayal and neglect; all those things I experienced as a child. My husband and I have screaming battles, threats of leaving, and my daughter has been present for some of it. As Nina stated, I never learned how to resolve conflict in a healthy way because I didn’t see it and wasn’t expose to it.
My dad wasn’t around much. I did hear from him on my birthday when he would send cards/cash wishing me well. We didn’t have a real father/daughter relationship at all. On father’s Day it’s very hard to find a decent card because most cards say what I didn’t experience. He wasn’t there to teach me, love me or show me the role of a father and what a husband role model looked like. I love both my parents and do forgive them both. My mother did the best that she could parenting us, although she was a single parent.
I just thank God that through my rough childhood, He was there watching over me and my siblings, protecting us and keeping us. I’m excited about what God is already doing in my life and what He shall do. Today, I am releasing any unhealthy habits so that I can be a better person, wife and mother. Lord, I DO NOT want my daughter to repeat anything that she has seen thus far. I pray that God would help me to be the godly example that I should be so that my daughter can have a better life and marriage then what I have experience. Lord, I pray that what I do from this day forward will be pleasing in Your sight and that I will remember my daughter’s future depends on what she is taught now. Lord I want this generational curse to stop with me. Let it be so! Lord, I thank You. In Jesus name…Amen!