Most women that I know, like to talk. Most men do not and if they do, it's only for a short period of time. Men want to get to the point of the matter, they want to work it out as quietly and quickly as possible and move on. Women, most women, we tend to dwell in that place, sometimes forever, if we choose to. We don't mind bringing up old issues, old drama, old hurt, revisiting it over and over again. But what does that satisfy? Our marriage goal is to be in the present, pressing toward the future, not looking back. If we do look, it is to give God praise from where He has brought us.
God gave us two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we talk. Many of us hear our spouse talking but are we really listening to what they are saying? As Chris Tucker would say, "You hear the words coming out of their mouth" but are you listening with thoughtful attention? Are you listening with your heart? Often times, no, many times, we are trying to talk over our spouse or we are trying to finish their thoughts. This form of communication is not healthy for your marriage. My husband and I would have screaming battles. We both wanted to be heard...first, and we wanted our way. But If we both were speaking at the same time, who was listening? We would often leave a discussion with nothing resolved. But we give God praise on today because we are doing SO much better.
Sister's: Shouting, cursing, screaming, belittling or name calling, are ways we "try" to get our point across, but these tactics will shut our husband's communication lines down. Men want to be respected by their wives and he also need to know that you trust his leadership. Fella's: if you do not give your wife your undivided attention, with eye contact, love and support, she too, will shut down. If not careful, we will find ourselves back at square 1, trying to figure out how to get our spouse to open up to us. Sometimes our approach is wrong or the timing is off. You know your spouse better than anyone else, so it's important to feel them out. If things are not done at the right time, nothing will be accomplished.
If you want to keep the lines of communication open with your spouse:
*Don't be all over the place...stick to the topic at hand
*Don't bombard him/her as soon as they arrive home from work, give time to wind down
*Set the tone, watch your tone and watch your words
*Be sensitive to their thoughts and opinions
*Ladies: if he's ready to talk....stop talking and listen
*Respect each other
*If things get heated, stop, get some air, clear your mind, before continuing on
*When everything is said and done, hug, kiss and/or give each other a hi-five. You may think it's corny, but it shows that you are on the same team.
We are striving to become one even in our communication skills.
Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. James 1:19 NLT