Many days I smiled because I had to not because I wanted to; if only people knew that I was dying inside. I felt like a zombie…spaced out. I couldn't see any good in my situation even though I knew what God's Word promised in Romans 8:28. God gave me an awesome vision for a marriage ministry via internet. I love every minute and opportunity I am given to minister to those who are singled, engaged and/or married. But what I couldn't understand is why would God allow me to have such a wonderful marriage page, so encouraging, with so many wonderful people and right before my eyes my marriage was falling completely a part, secretly. I was completely blindsided. I was angry with God and with my husband. I wanted to give up, shut the marriage page down because how could anyone receive from me when my marriage was in complete shambles. I struggled and wrestled with God for weeks. I didn’t think it was fair. After all, I was doing my best to live according to His Will and purpose. Yet, I found myself in this hard, ugly place. But God would continue to use me daily to encourage others even while I was in my storm. The more I begin to share my story I found out that yes, I wasn't the only one struggling with infidelity and a broken heart. God begin to use my struggle to minister to others. That's how good God is.
The trick of the enemy is to make you think you are alone, that no one will understand what you're going through, which will cause you to isolate yourself from the world AND from those who love you. I can now say without a doubt God kept me. Some days I don't know how I made it through; if I was coming or going. But God! Tears became my food day and night, sleep was no where to be found, my mind was constantly racing of thoughts of why, what, how and who. But God! God continued to prove His faithfulness toward me. Even though my husband and I still separated, God is still good, faithful and He is restoring our marriage. It has been a long seven months BUT GOD!
So, to the one who is dealing with infidelity in your marriage, I say, God is with you. You may not understand the "why" right now but allow the process to strengthen you and focus on your relationship with the Lord. When you feel like no one is there, GOD IS. Seeking counseling is a great start, if need be. I certainly did it, without my husband. The truth is you need someone to talk it out with, if talking with your spouse isn't an option at this moment. I strongly suggest at some point communicating with your spouse because only the two of you know why your marriage hit this rocky spot in the first place. You will get through this. Be angry but sin not. Your healing comes with being truthful. Tell God how you feel and then allow Him to love your hurt away.
All I can say is GOD DID IT. God pulled me through and out. I thank God for not leaving me. I believe this will be your testimony sooner than later. Hold On! Hold On! Hold On!
O God, don’t stay away. My God, please hurry to help me. You have allowed me to suffer much hardship, but you will restore me to life again and lift me up from the depths of the earth. You will restore me to even greater honor and comfort me once again.
Psalm 71:12 & 20-21 (NLT)